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deep feelings, forgiveness MaryJane Nordgren deep feelings, forgiveness MaryJane Nordgren

surprised by anger

surprised by my deep anger

and feeling used

in the nasty snap i gave a friend

whose project demanded of me

when i had nothing left to give

he didn’t know; he went on a cruise

leaving me dangling

when he learned, he tried

to make amends, but too late,

it seems, because my true feelings

reached out in that vicious comment

that leaped from my lips

teaching me to forgive – when i can

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generous gift, selling MaryJane Nordgren generous gift, selling MaryJane Nordgren

his gift nearly ready

 

garage swept and empty shelved

for the first time in decades

a self-cleaning oven needing foam

and elbow grease because its door

would not latch

a bed board and TV stand too heavy

for me to move to my apartment

we are finally down to so few items

 

the rhododendrons tense

to bursting into riotous blossom

the view across Willamette Valley

to the snow-capped Cascade peaks

celebrates sunny days of clarity and awe

 

so nearly ready to let go

of the home my Earl gave me

in his loving generosity

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cancer research MaryJane Nordgren cancer research MaryJane Nordgren

the cost of that savings

At least one children’s cancer

research team has needed to halt

experimentation because

of the instability of Bluffo’s

funding of the National

Institute of Health

We do hope that none of your

descendants is stricken with

that type of cancer

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empire MaryJane Nordgren empire MaryJane Nordgren

buy high and sell low

buy high and sell low

Bluffo the Clown advises

rely on me as all you have counted

on is shaken to its core

by my chaotic edicts

stemming from pet theories

without proof or truth

knowing my cronies and I

will pick up pieces of fortunes

national treasure in building

of our empire, but poor Bluffo

the people of America are already

catching on that they are not what

our leaders cherish

                                        

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destruction MaryJane Nordgren destruction MaryJane Nordgren

what he says

read my lips cries Bluffo

for it is only there you

will find the prosperity

i promised for you

while i am busy creating

chaos enough to let me

rebuild the systems

that protected

you

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truth MaryJane Nordgren truth MaryJane Nordgren

i delude myself

i delude myself accepting

alternate facts as describing

a reality that others can see

and share with me

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fit in, perspective MaryJane Nordgren fit in, perspective MaryJane Nordgren

way of hoping

 

anxious to have hope

but knowing how little my concept

of me

stacks up against what matters

to what is

perhaps i might try to see me as part

of the whole rather than

particle

                                            

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MaryJane Nordgren MaryJane Nordgren

finally, soon, i hope

 

Finally, so excited to have the movers come to take out the last of the furniture and ‘stuff’ for the May sale at the Methodist church – only to have them stuck in a much largest project than anticipated in lake Oswego yesterday. Rescheduled for Monday morning. SO looking forward to having things somewhere so my house in the foothills with its view of four snow-capped peaks ready for a new and loving person or family!

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Nature MaryJane Nordgren Nature MaryJane Nordgren

minutes to look at clouds

 seven minutes between frantics

to lie on my couch looking at the clouds

in layered blue-gray, even tinges

of purple-green, some butting

some seeming settled into immovability

but moments of giving myself

permission to breathe in my new home

and know how deeply blessed i am

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Nature poem MaryJane Nordgren Nature poem MaryJane Nordgren

unminted gold dawn

 

  

pale sunrise of washed-out orange

and unminted gold

but navy-blue horizontal clouds

and distant hills and far distant

mountain silhouettes

patterned by branches in black

of near-by pine

 

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feelings MaryJane Nordgren feelings MaryJane Nordgren

resentment

again resenting as the same people

take without acknowledgement

and the leeches demand more

when i feel i need help

 

that it is the same people i have

worked for for years should tell

me that nothing has changed except

within me

 

admit i am hurt, tired, overwhelmed

and protect myself to allow me to heal

as resentment is almost as defeating

as whining

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