painful question

 i have a question i do not want

to put to paper

the implication of what happened

to me twice

is something i do not want to be

true

but if it is happening to me, it is

happening to people less able to

defend themselves

and i cannot simply turn away

words of the wise

one of the hateful parts

of lingering COVID

is the feeling of incompetence

of not thinking quickly or clearly

and the depression that spreads

into all that we had been able to do

and thus, the loss of joy

in the little things that delighted us

so, it will take determination to continue

in motion, a step at a time

a willingness to walk when we’d rather

stay curled up in our misery

a willingness to lie down to sleep

when we know only babies take naps

the grit to listen to and honor the needs

of our bodies as we put everything

into allowing ourselves to heal

(im)patient

i am an impatient patient

but the threat of long COVID is enough

to keep me cowering in my home grateful not to be infecting anyone else

but stunned by how slowly i think

so, my writing has come nearly

to a halt and i am watching old movies

as though they were worth all that time

healing beyond me

 as a physician, i never healed anyone

my best efforts went to shaping

all around them to help them heal

themselves in God’s arms

this day of remembering

with humble gratitude all

that has been given us, i have yet

again gifted with the laughter 

and caring that heals and bonds

friends and loving family

juggle

 medicines counter one problem

and cause two others

speed up slow heartrate

but release migraines from captivation

and disturb balance

a balancing act of trial and error

and occasional equilibrium.

suspended sentence

weeks after the screening frightened

weeks of testing fluids, systems

weeks of nights awake with concern

finally, the will-be surgeon suggests

the findings are not as dire

as first suspected

surgery an option, but not

an imminent need

unless the pain more frequent

or worse, surgery can wait

until life situation can cope more easily

relief

promise of deep, healing sleep

i cannot kiss it better for her

diabetes is a sneak fighter, attacking all systems

forgiving no mistakes, punishing all rebellion

damaging limbs, eyes, kidneys for every non-compliance

demanding daily obsequience and robbing future health