stumbling hopefully

stumbling inside a mist of hurting

and a fog of fatigue where every

little task keeps me too busy

to remember i am upheaving

much of what matters to my life

still, the hope that i can, with help,

cling to some dignity, is what is

driving this change

there will be beautifully happy moments

no matter what and no matter where

there always have been

organizing shiftiness

trying to keep up with everything

i had signed  up to do, but i’m so tired already

from organizing, packing

and losing track of needed items

such as my favorite credit card

but this time next week i’ll be able

to settle down and begin to put

things where they will stay

-        at least for a while

terrified of the move

overwhelming to try to organize

the move when i cannot picture

how best to set my furniture

in my new rooms

but reassured there is no hurry

i can spread out the smaller items

over weeks or even months

if i need to

first things, the heavy items

for the movers

laughter here, and joy

prospecting for a new home

away from this haven on the hill

with its view for seventy miles

to the snow-capped Cascades

this gift my husband gave

in love and joined me in fulfillment

in joy when hosting the family

in contentment watching birds

squat and squawk at the feeder

California quail dust bathing

with one too many to fit in the bowl

deer peering into our windows

fawns learn young to jump fences

elk herds mow down the wire fences

an ancient cow elk guarding

the calves frolicking in our lower field

there has been laughter here

and joy

such little things move mountains

raindrops slide mountain-sides into scree

tender shoots push upward through soil as plant starts

root fingers lift concrete walkways

a snide word leads to blood feud

a thoughtless snub to sadness

bitter labels and recriminations to a child’s loss of self-worth

an unexpected compliment produces a smile at being recognized

a word of praise can change a day toward kindness

la sin duh

haiku

lingering dislike

breeds fault finding when

i can’t walk away